knock knock

Who's there? who knows.

I started this blogger thing to keep as a virtual journal, for myself. I really feel like i have a great sense of maturity since reading my past blogs on xanga (ancient) i left off my last journal during the beggining of my relationship with Marco who is now my fiancee. I dont know who will read this, and frankly i dont care for "props" or views, it is measly for my own satisfaction of documenting my life, through my keyboard. lol i really hate writing, its because when i was a kid, i broke my hand and always tried to write fast to get something done and it becomes (brain fart) "scribbly. "

Ever since i came back from japan on my month visit to see my boyfriend, i couldnt find another office job. i really miss my 9-5 and i should have stayed here. dont get me wrong, i love my short vacation to japan but damn i left during the fall of the recession. Now, i'm a waitress who is soon to be a assistant manager at a restaurant. It's called Burgers n Cupcakes, sounds corny but food is really good. i never saw myself serving others or even being in food business but it was my last $12 in my checking account telling me to go wherever possible.

It began when i got a call from my bank telling me i had no more funds. it felt like trying on those size 2 jeans to find out you gained more weight but this time it felt like i failed myself financially. i went outside and i went inside this restaurant and asked if they had an opening, at first they said no but luckily, the super's wife, with whom i am friends with recommended me to the manager. they stalled a week till i finally saw her again and got the job. Phew, relief, nothing is worse than rejection. so i started working as a waitress until the pressure. Before i started, i thought, how hard can it be taking orders, inputting orders, make sure they enjoyed their meal and collecting my 15% of the bill. But no, it isn't easy. I still get intimidated by large parties. i wake up every morning saying to myself, it's just another day, more money in your pockets, more bills tomorrow morning. When i do get into the store and see potential customers reading the menu i said to myself "go leave, there's a better place down the block" i really dispise what i do. I love the people i work with, they are just awesome, most of the time when we're all getting along. there's this one girl with whom i have a problem with but i wont waste my time.

This year is about change, indeed we have a new president, Barack Obama and my marriage to marco. My new year's resolution is slight different from others. I want to lose the weight but i want to be healthier, not just lose it but keep it off, ive been eating a lot of salads and enjoying all the dressings and salmon and lemon grilled chicken with balsamic vinagrette or my light italian. anyways, green is the new black. leading to my next resolution, becoming more eco-friendly. yes i've kept my resolutions, and even though my showers are short, i use a Whole Foods bags instead of plastic and recycle i feel better, i feel like im doing these chores, not for myself but for the world I hope that when you or some other stranger sees me picking up a can on the floor that isnt mines to put in the recycling bin, i hope that inspires you to do your part. it may not effect us but it will later on in the future and the future is our children, ask yourselves, what example are you setting for others when they see you polluting. Ok im not a big fuckin eco-friendly gal. i smoke, i dont have one of those starbucks mugs for refills, and i dont always carry a whole foods bag but i try my best, that's all i can really do, just try and hope that your actions inspire someone else and like a virus, a positive one.

so the money is good at my job, not real good but good fuckin enough lol. it ranges depending on how many customers i get during the week on tips, that's not including my base, im talking about the TIPS!!!!!! i didnt even realize how much i was really making till i made one big deposit because i didnt have the time to go to the bank and i was stunned, i made this, all by myself. I did some serious damage to my credit card nothing that i couldnt afford, it's just i feel like i deserve it. Maybe my friend ritz influenced me before but this time i went wild. I love shoes (i bought 5), i bought sneakers (4), uggs and boots (2) a new jacket, all the stuff to make my skin healthy and makeup. OMG MAC is the shit. i love it but now i gotta buy brushes. if this was known to marco how much i've spent, he would be dissapointed but he cant say shit to me, he blew $25,000 so quick, i think it ran away. so i would say i spent $1,200 on stuff.
SO FUCKING WHAT i deserve it, i finally deserve it, and i didnt even make a face when i paid it off because i fuckin deserve it.

this year is about me, what i want and the way i want it. i dare you to stand in my way.


Peace Love and Recycable Bags,
J....